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Review My Writing Packet for Skanks

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  • #823468
    Matthew Barros
    Participant

    If you give me honest criticism, I’ll turn on edit privileges.

    https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TVjpku-PTLp6LqU2VmV-9ApWvXRFUqgLw2UD0sqM_Gw/edit?usp=sharing

    #823856
    Nick Giaculli
    Participant

    Electric razor and shaving cream.?
    What the shaving cream for retardo. Hopefully to spray down your throat til you die unfunny fag. No offense

    #823890
    AssBag
    Blocked

    awful, but no worse than the shit that is on the cast/part of the viewer plays. Honestly just surprised you can type. Nice try big boy.

    #824047
    Matthew Barros
    Participant

    So glad I did this

    #824113
    It’s Cam
    Participant

    I’m somewhat perplexed. This is supposed to be a Intern Olympics bit, but the bit is just you auditioning for the internship??? LOS isn’t a scripted show. My suggestion is to come up with concepts and contest that better the show. example. LOS T-shirt design. Fans submit LOS designs and the winner gets a Free Year subscription to GAS or some shit.
    Audience participation is what you want. (also keep yourself out of the concepts/contest) LOS has it’s stars. They need someone working behind the scenes. Hype the show. Not yourself.

    Some positives: You have an interest in script writing. Maybe keep with that.

    #824156
    Matthew Barros
    Participant

    Very fair. To clarify, the manuscript section is to give context to the outline, but I see why that is confusing. I don’t intend for these brilliant comedians to read from a script, obviously they don’t need it. What they do need however is structure, and I wasn’t sure how to convey that in any other way than a hypothetical scenario. If you have any ideas in that regard, I’m all ears. Providing a structure in an effective way dramatically improves the show, I’m just not sure how they do it. Also, writing “Some positives:” and then listing one positive is the most hilariously brutal comment so far. Step it up juggalos!

    #824240
    Alwood
    Participant

    To put it simply, this is nothing. At first, you laid out a flow chart for directions a conversation could go, which sounds exactly like how their conversations already naturally unfold. You then proceeded to write out your extremely corny Legion of Skanks fan fiction day dream fantasy. Useless, dorky, creepy. Straight out of the Rupert Pupkin playbook. The #1 thing you don’t want to do when submitting content ideas to a free form talk show, is to submit in any way your idea of how a conversation could unfold.

    “So then Bill asks the intern what he ate for breakfast. And if the intern says he had Lucky Charms, Jerry can say ‘What are you 5 years old??’ and then you guys can go off on his childish breakfast for a while!!”

    Nobody cares about your fantasy riff ideas. The professional comedians have that part covered. It’s the number one thing your mind should never be submitting ideas for.

    When you’re submitting something to a talk show, it needs to be ideas for bits and games, things that spark discussion. You had none of that. It’s just you telling them to bring you on to be part of the wacky fun. If they didn’t have a lie detector already, then you could say “I think you should buy a lie detector and make the staff take tests, it will definitely lead somewhere funny.” That would be an idea. Your idea, was to say “You know that bit you do? What if you did it with me? Here are some of the crazy things I would say!”. That is NOT an idea. It’s just you wanting to be on the show. That’s the number two thing you should never do, is pitch an idea that’s all about you and your participation with the show.

    Are you really 20? If so, I get it. You’re young and eager and want to be part of a fun thing. But this isn’t the way to do it. My advice is that if you really want to do something to influence a show, adopt a producers’ mindset and think of a good game or bit that the hosts could get some mileage out of. Think “Who’s Most Justified Saying The N word?”. Simple concept, sparks discussion, makes it easy for the hosts to riff and be funny. Ideas of that ilk are what you need to be thinking up and submitting as show ideas. I hope you find this more helpful than hurtful. Good luck bro.

    #824294
    Matthew Barros
    Participant

    That was really helpful, thank you. Yes I am 20. You’re completely right I brought very little to the table in terms of ideas. My question would be; how would one format/pitch these ideas in a professional/useful way? Simply listing a title for a game, then describing it seems trashy.

    #824398
    It’s Cam
    Participant

    Trashy…. have you seen LOS? Trashy is their modus operandi. You also mentioned earlier “What they do need however is structure” but have you ever considered that it is precisely their lack of structure that makes the show so popular? If we wanted a smooth non chaotic podcast with high production value, We’d literally go anywhere else.
    I’m not trying to bring you down, but maybe LoS just isn’t your show. Honestly I’d check No Disrespect. Mike V is very structured and he even writes scripts! (I think you could learn a lot from him) Plus he’s just fucking hilarious.

    I’ll give you props kid. I would never ask a disgusting bunch of wretched degenerate scumbag losers to critique my work. (Real Ass Dude of the Week!)

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